The past has no power to stop you from being present now. Only your grievance about the past can do that. What is grievance? The baggage of old thought and emotion.  ~Lao Tzu

Are you carrying emotional baggage from one relationship to another? Just like schlepping an overstuffed Samsonite, it will cost you, make your journey more difficult, and could prevent you from making a successful connection!

Relationships are a bit of a dance, and in order to remain light on our feet, we need to shed the dead weight of the issues that continue to plague us. The tango is a dance in which two people either move together in the same direction or in opposition to each other. Perhaps this is why the phrase ‘it takes two to tango’ is so often used when referring to relationships.

While it does take two to make or break a relationship, we need to hold ourselves accountable for our responsibility as it relates to its success, or its collapse. As we all know, to keep a long-term relationship moving forward takes much effort. If it ends, and we don’t look deeply into our actions or inactions that played a role in the demise, then we are simply setting ourselves up for another relationship with an expiration date.

Be honest with yourself.

Do you have trouble communicating?

If so, then ask yourself: Is it easier to get divorced than it is to make the effort to listen to her, to show her attention so she feels you ‘get’ her and that she is a priority?

Are you emotionally unavailable?

If so, then ask yourself: Would you rather be alone than experience an emotionally strong connection because it’s built on vulnerability?

Are you a workaholic?

If so, then ask yourself: Would you rather end the relationship than work a little less so you have enough energy to provide him with the intimacy he requires to feel connected?

Do you make excuses (you call them reasons) for not being where you want to be in your life?

If so, then ask yourself: Would you rather stay single than step up and do what it takes to improve your lifestyle?

I’ve heard people say, “I’d have to change who I am, and I’m not willing to do that.”

I ask, is changing your behavior the same as changing who you are? Is making an effort to show you care, changing your personality? Granted, if you enjoy working on cars, you won’t be happy in a three-piece suit… but that’s not the same as being willing to learn the tools that will help you change and grow. These tools could very well prevent you from going to the pit for a tire change every few laps around the track!

We will keep getting the same results if we keep doing the same things! (Yes, also known as insanity). Hard as we try to ignore them, the lessons we are supposed to learn in this life will continue to boomerang right back in our face until we come face to face with them. This applies to many areas of our lives including our work, weight, familial or intimate relationships.

Our issues will follow us from relationship to relationship and will not go away until you tackle them head on!

Some possible demons to consider:

Limiting beliefs

Fear of vulnerability

Procrastination

Lack of Self Esteem

Lack of Awareness

You can blame your parents, your metabolism, your partner, your age, or the economy. You can blame your boss, or your dog who ate your homework for what’s not right in your life. Or you can figure out your role in how and why your story keeps playing out the way it does. You can re-write your script, dump the baggage, and be the hero in your story. It’s the only way to fly!

There’s a luggage limit to every passenger on a flight. The same rules apply to your life. You must eliminate some baggage before you can fly. ~Rosalind Johnson

http://www.purposefairy.com/64790/are-you-carrying-emotional-baggage-from-one-relationship-to-another/

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short not to enjoy it.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for things that matter.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye… But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful.  Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to be happy.  But it’s all up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words, ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose Life.

28. Forgive but don’t forget.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give Time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you think you need.

42. The best is yet to come…

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

You may have wondered, "know what?"

If you have to ask the question you probably have not been still long enough.
The answer to this question may be different for varying people with varying backgrounds.

For some they will know their creator,
some will know themselves,
some will know what they are not,
some will know what they are purposed to do with their life, some will know how to make the world better for others, some will know the answers to their problems at work, some will know the answers to their problems at home.

Whatever your answer may be, the point is you will know more.

Science has told us the brain is the most powerful supercomputer in the world.  We have heard some of its calculating abilities during active thought.

What about its abilities during stillness?

What about the spirit?

For many, their minds are arguing that we have no spirit.
If that is you, are you really being still?

Our societies are so fast paced and busy that something is always going on.  The world would lead us to believe we have no time to be still.

Even many people toss and turn all night; stillness cannot be achieved even when it is time to sleep.

The first thing that most will learn when trying to be still is
how much at motion we really are.

Just pause right now and be still and for the next 20 seconds whatever you do don’t think of a big pink elephant.

Time’s up, did you think of the big pink elephant?

What’s the lesson, it is not as easy as it sounds to be still.

Even though many MountainWings issues relate to activities, most of the inspiration for the issues comes in stillness.

Be still and know.

Know what?

Be still and you will know.

~A MountainWings Original~
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I got my baggage, which I could not check. I chose to carry it myself all the way. It was weighted down with a thousand memories of what might have been. No one greeted me as I entered the terminal to the Regret City International Airport. I say international because people from all over the world come to this dismal town.

As I checked into the Last Resort Hotel, I noticed that they would be hosting the year’s most important event, the Annual Pity Party. I wasn’t going to miss that great social occasion.

Many of the town’s leading citizens would be there.
First, there would be the Done family, you know,
Should Have,
Would Have
and Could Have.
Then came the I Had family.
You probably know ol’ Wish and his clan.

Of course, the Opportunities would be present, Missed and Lost. The biggest family would be the Yesterday’s. There are far too many of them to count, but each one would have a very sad story to share.

Then Shattered Dreams would surely make an appearance. And It’s Their Fault would regale us with stories (excuses) about how things had failed in his life, and each story would be loudly applauded by Don’t Blame Me and I Couldn’t Help It.

Well, to make a long story short, I went to this depressing
party knowing that there would be no real benefit in doing so. And, as usual, I became very depressed. But as I thought about all of the stories of failures brought back from the past, it occurred to me that all of this trip and subsequent "pity party" could be cancelled by ME!

I started to truly realize that I did not have to be there.
I didn’t have to be depressed. One thing kept going through my mind, I CAN’T CHANGE YESTERDAY, BUT I DO HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE
TODAY A WONDERFUL DAY.

I can be happy, joyous, fulfilled, encouraged, as well as
encouraging. Knowing this, I left the City of Regret
immediately and left no forwarding address.
Am I sorry for mistakes I’ve made in the past?  YES!
But there is no physical way to undo them.

So, if you’re planning a trip back to the City of Regret, please cancel all your reservations now. Instead, take a trip to a place called, Starting Again. I liked it so much that I have now taken up permanent residence there.

My neighbors, the I Forgive Myselfs and the New Starts are so very helpful. By the way, you don’t have to carry around heavy baggage because the load is lifted from your shoulders upon arrival.

God bless you in finding this great town. If you can find it,
it’s in your own heart.

Please look me up. I live on I Can Do It street.
~by Larry Harp~

Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier.

We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:

1. Give up your need to always be right

There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. Give up your need for control

Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

3. Give up on blame

Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk

Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle

5. Give up your limiting beliefs

about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

6. Give up complaining

Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism

Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. Give up your need to impress others

Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. Give up your resistance to change

Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell

10. Give up labels

Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. Give up on your fears

Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. Give up your excuses

Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. Give up the past

I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. Give up attachment

This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations

Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

With all my love,

http://www.purposefairy.com/3308/15-things-you-should-give-up-in-order-to-be-happy/

"The message we send is not always the message that’s received."
- Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

Living Compassion Tip — Week 40

It’s all "Greek to Me"

Dr. Marshall Rosenberg says, "As we know, the message we send is not always the message that’s received."

Sometimes when we make a request, we can pick up on verbal cue or body language to determine that the message we sent was received the way we intended. But other times you can tell that whatever you said was "Greek" to the listener

To ensure a smooth exchange of information, try getting into the habit of asking the listener to reflect back what they heard you say. They don’t have to give a word-for-word recitation, but simply state in their own words what they think you said.

By incorporating this into your conversations, many upsets and misunderstandings can be avoided.

It’s also important to express appreciation when your listener tries to meet your request for a reflection. Answering with "That’s not what I said" or "You weren’t listening to me" will have the opposite effect.

A simple, "I’m grateful to you for telling me what you heard, I can see I didn’t make myself as clear as I’d like, so let me try again." No Greek there!

Mindful Practice for the Week

Incorporate the practice of requesting a reflection of what you said in all your conversations. Try also to practice reflecting back what you hear the speaker saying. Clarifying always takes the confusion away! Enjoy your week!

How Do You Ask for What You Want?

Who knew that something as seemingly simple as how we ask for what we want had such an impact on our relationships? Keep your learning going by formulating a discussion group. Order the NVC Starter Kit Book Package and bring a few friends together to read and learn together each week.

Get this tip from a friend? Sign up for your Living Compassion NVC Tip Series here.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."¹

Have you ever noticed that common sense is not very common and that much of our reasoning is not always reasonable?

We have all sorts of reasons and excuses for why we say what we say and do what we do. And then there are the real reasons—the motives behind our choices and actions.
People come to discussions with hidden agendas. Some bully to get what they want. Others manipulate. Some even quote or misquote Scriptures to get things done their way. Whether this type of control is with a high and mighty hand or in a sweet, manipulative manner makes no difference. Both are equally dishonest and are destructive to personal growth, conflict resolution, and interpersonal relationships.

Common sense tells us that we need to avoid these and all other dishonest games. Being truthful can be difficult at times, but when our words are spoken in love, it is the only way to grow and develop healthy and intimate relationships.

While God doesn’t make our choices for us, he has, as noted in today’s Scripture passage, promised to give wisdom (common sense) to all who ask him. So wisdom is available if we will ask God for it and truly mean it.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please give me wisdom and discernment so that my life will bring much glory to your name. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen."
1. James 1:5 (NIV).
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Today’s Daily Encounter

An Answer for Loneliness
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Jesus "appointed twelve [disciples] … that they might be with him."¹

"Loneliness, it’s such a sad affair," Karen Carpenter expressed in her popular song some years back. Apparently she knew firsthand what she was singing about as she ended her own life through self-starvation. Perhaps you, too, know too well the pains of loneliness.
While we have made profound scientific and technological advances in today’s world, sadly we have not kept pace with meeting the needs of the human heart and spirit. One of the high costs of this failure has been the ever-increasing sense of loneliness and isolation that pervades contemporary society.

As Selwyn Hughes wisely said, "To be is to be in relationships," without which life can be empty and meaningless. One significant answer to this increasing malady is seen in the dramatic increase of the small-group movement—both within and without the church. Small groups, of course, are nothing new, but support-and-recovery type groups formed to meet almost every need imaginable have mushroomed in many places today. They are proving to be very effective. For example, one of the best-known methods for helping people overcome alcoholism is the twelve-step AA groups. And help for the spouses of alcoholics can be found in Alanon groups.

Small groups, at least as far as the Christian church is concerned, began with Jesus. At the beginning of his ministry he "appointed twelve [disciples] that they might be with him." He then had an inner group made up of himself, Peter, James, and John, and then an intimate group with himself and John. If Jesus and his disciples needed this kind of connection and support, it sounds like an excellent example for all of us to follow.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to find the support I need to help me grow more like Jesus, overcome personal problems, and so I won’t be lonely. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen."

1. Mark 3:14 (NIV).
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http://www.actsweb.org/encounter/daily.php

This and other devotionals by Richard (Dick) Innes can be read online.
Copyright © 1990 – 2013
ACTS International

1. The Power of Relationships

It is a well-known medical and scientific fact that life without significant relationships is not only meaningless, but very unhealthy.

In his book, The Broken Heart, James Lynch says, "Most of the people I deal with have at the root of their physical problems the problem of loneliness. They may well be living with someone, or indeed in a busy, bustling family atmosphere but they do not know what it is to experience a close relationship. The lonely are twice as likely to suffer physical problems as those who enjoy a warm relationship with at least one other person."

Dr. Bernard Steinzor in his book, The Healing Partnership, says, "The person who feels completely alone and has lost hope of a relationship will become a patient in the wards of a mental hospital or bring their life to an end through suicide."

Sydney Jourard in his book, The Transparent Self, said, "Every maladjusted person is someone who has not made himself known to another human being and in consequence he does not know himself. Nor can he be himself. More than that, he struggles actively to avoid becoming known by another human being. He works ceaselessly at it day and night. And it is work!"

Selwyn Hughes wrote, "We come to know ourselves only as we know how to relate effectively to others. A person who is known in a loving, trusting relationship by at least one other human being, is rich indeed and will have little fear about facing the world."

Hughes also wrote, "We all need to be close to someone, so never apologize for the longing that you find within you for a relationship. It was built into you by the Creator and is therefore part of a divine design." I certainly agree with Hughes in that "only in the context of relationships can the deepest longings of our being be met and satisfied."
The reality is that we not only need a right relationship with God but healthy relationships with one another. This is why open, trusting, accepting and non-judgmental groups are such a powerful entity at a time when much of life has become technical and impersonal.

Rowland Croucher, writing in Grid, said, "More than 85 percent of small group participants of all ages say that as a result of their participation they feel better about themselves, are more open and honest with themselves, are better able to forgive others, and have been helped to serve people outside the groups."

We can live successfully without having to be in a romantic relationship, but we cannot live a worthwhile life nor can we grow outside of meaningful relationships. As the Bible teaches, "It is not good to be alone." If you can’t find a small group in your church, may I suggest that you start one yourself. An effective group, however, is where people are open and honest, share their struggles and sorrows as well as their joys—and where members listen, love and accept without any kind of judgment, sermonizing, giving advice—or trying to fix people.

"The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’"¹

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to find a safe group where I can be truly connected to caring and loving friends. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen."
1. Genesis 2:18 (NIV).
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