“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”
This has happened to me more times than I can count…
what I meant is not what was heard.
I bet we have all had this happen to us!
I have not always heard what was meant by others either.
I try to be slow to react …to listen …to ask before I think I know what just happened. When it happens I am shocked that I am in it again. So to find the lesson is where I sit.
This last month we talked about vulnerability and I can tell you being vulnerable is no walk in the park. It is hard and very scary. Sometimes to just say what I am thinking and feeling requires an internal propeller to get it out of my mouth. I am an introvert type. That at times doesn’t help my situation. Quiet I can do with ease. Speaking up takes a lot of effort. On top of the fact that I battle with a mind tape that plays lies to me (as we all do) mine is about saying what I think and each time it plays fear spills over into my ears through my own inner voice.
Some may say “ if they don’t get me, oh well!” and they move on….no hurt shown, no bother, just going on their way. I on the other hand, to say that, requires me to be extremely angry, full of wretchedness and layers of grudge bearing. All of which I do not want. So that leaves me with the pain and wonder about why do I end up in situations where I feel misunderstood and with a huge need to fix it in some way.
And now that I am reflecting about it…to teach me to be who I am, speak up, and keep walking. :0) right? Wrong …to teach me to care more about others than myself and learn to connect honestly!! Misunderstanding is never one sided. Because two are involved in a misunderstanding and so two views are involved. We all do not see, think, hear, or feel things the same way.
Now this month we are moving into a new topic called courage. For me courage is what it takes for me to connect with another person about a misunderstanding but what trips me the most is hearing the other person’s view and realizing the perception they seem to have about me. Then when I try to explain myself I get this vague feeling that they don’t believe me and that they think I am just trying to make them change. ( notice I said I feel this way and I have learned I also project that feeling -CHANGE FOR ME –don’t we all think we are privileged… Lord help me!)
Yet my goal is simple – there is a misunderstanding and I would like to take the MISS part out of the issue and find understanding. But is that how I am coming across…something to think about? I am finding it is human to want to take someone else’s MISS out of their understanding but how about mine.
We all believe what we believe no matter what anyone else says about it. We either trust or we don’t. Right? And I even question myself on this point. There was a time that I believed that people have done me wrong and no matter what they said I was going to believe they meant it the way I saw it. Period! But after years of changing friends, Hurtful separations, mistrusting others, and realizing that my faith was small and my vision was clouded. I began to ask God to help me to believe the best of other people even if what I was looking at seemed hard to believe and handle.
All layers on the same Sin that so easily besets me …
Not Fully Believing what God says about me.
–Father forgive me for this is the root of my issue.
Romans 9:8 This means that it is not the
children of the flesh who are the children of God, but the children of the promise are counted as offspring.
The enemy has my number in this area and no matter what I try or do ( yes I am a task person ) I still find him ringing my bell, scheming and deceiving me into believing that my worth is wrapped up in what I think someone thinks about me. What about that promise?
Ultimately it isn’t what another thinks about me…after uncovering and digging into my heart issues…I find it is my own self limiting thoughts about my own worth or non-worth that causes my distress. Do I believe God’s view of me or my own, am I His or not, and this is that which keeps showing up in my world to test me?
Lord, may I rest in you. Knowing that you have made me the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. That you have good things for me. That ultimately this too will yield good for me through the drawing of my heart to your throne. In the believing of Your promise. I ask Lord that if there are others who know this feeling and walk as I have- God I ask that you would cover them, create for them a safe place to come to your side and know that they are precious to you. That they would know, as You are also speaking to me, that YOU define us! – no matter what we think some may see. And help us to reach out to our “others” in our lives. We don’t see them clear all the time either. May we have compassion on them and be willing to hear. Let us have ears to hear God. THANK YOU! In Jesus Name. Amen.