Posts tagged ‘anger’

May 24, 2012

To Let it go…

Courage is an interesting word to stick to for a month. Life is so mundane that courage seems useless at times…and then the lesson came.

While at practice with our worship team I messed up on my finger cue’s  for the band to follow. Right after the song finished my husband calls out “STARLA! you have to pay attention to your fingers because we are following them!. “ I have heard that tone before. You know the one I am talking about …the CORRECTOR tone. All I could do short of complete implosion from embarrassment was calmly through slightly gritted teeth say “ I know. “  I got through the last to songs and went straight to the bathroom.

While passing fellow church members, who are all BTW cheerily saying “good morning!” I manage to eek out a tight lipped courtesy smile while bolting for the bathroom door. My heart was pounding. I was angry. I was in full repression of emotion. I was so afraid that if I did speak I would break like a dam and a flood of emotion would erupt. I prayed to God to help me to Let it go, “Lord help me, I forgive him, I let it go.” I walk to the mirror and my eyes tell the story. I had not let it go. It had me! I was fully in the grip!

I was suppose to get up on stage in less than a half an hour and minister to the people, allow God to flow through me. How was I going to do that when I had just put a cork in it! I was upset and now I was even upset with myself. I went to the coffee bar hoping to sip some fire of the Lord into my soul that could overcome this shadowy cloud that had just taken me over.

Then a sweet lady named Jennifer at church asked me in full sincere tone and smile “how are you doing this morning?” I look at her…blankly as the slow token words fell from my lips “ I’m good “ as I cringed in mid – sentence. She kept eye contact and that’s when it happened. I felt courage rise up in me and I said “ I’m not ok, my husband corrected me in front of everyone and I am angry, It was embarrassing!” Then the most amazing thing happened. I felt relief.     I look at her and all I could say was       “thank you!” I couldn’t believe how much better I felt. I had  – LET GO. I had always heard that statement Let go and Let God and thought ok so easier said than done. But I was totally trying to control my emotions and how people perceived me and I was failing miserably. I looked cold, disinterested, and detached. But once I let go of what I was trying to control God filled me with His joy again….and it was over.

I made a quick mental note of what had just happened and when the next situation happened where I felt like a ball of emotional repressed mess, and I was asked “ If I was tired or something?” (because they could tell I was not ok) I simple looked them in the eye and said how I was feeling… and it was over. Light-ness returned.

I found courage! During Vulnerable month I expressed great fear over speaking my feelings… God is walking me down some interesting paths of learning! Open-mouthed smile

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December 19, 2011

Washing feet

John 13: 10-17 Jesus answered, “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.”  For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean. When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them.  “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am.  Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.  I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.  Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.  Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

Jesus came and BATHED us when He died on the cross for us….

YOU ARE MADE CLEAN!

yet here is says –Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet.

Feet …where you go , what you do, the way u choose

It says we are to wash one another’s feet.

Have you ever “tripped” over other peoples feet …have you ever misunderstood or been misunderstood…I have. Tripping over and getting angry over their choices…where they go, what they do, and the way they chose to do it.

To wash feet is a humble service – wash …cleanse…

take the dirt away

It takes humility to forgive and wash hurts that people do to you away. It takes humility to consider that u could be wrong. To choose to ask before assuming. To not be angry and gossip. To not have a pity party and re-stir the hurt you feel creating more pain. To choose to be thankful and grateful instead of envious and jealous. To not reject when you don’t understand, when you just don’t get someone’s behavior. To not reject when you have been rejected. It take humility to not be selfish.

All these things are things we trip over….the feet of another.

We need washing ….and we need to wash others

talk about it

deal with it

communicate wants and needs

learn to live in unity

Drama, hate, anger, chaos, division ….are on the road that we walk. We may step in a pile of crap sometimes but what are we going to do ….

wash our feet ?

or

Kill the one who crapped there?

( Jesus said Hate was just like Murder)

Lets be a servant like Christ and wash feet!

Friendships of Love

October 18, 2011

Calloused

A calloused soul… It’s very protective. It builds a strong barrier to being hurt, but that barrier prevents any other emotion from being touched either….. writers … play with language all day long. They’ve developed an acute sense of what language does; they can “feel” the difference between silk and sandpaper…Give some thought to what your goals in life are regarding emotions, do you want to “feel” all of them, or not? Don’t opt for callousness and miss out on the rest of life.

~ Dr. Deb

Callous….dictionary.com says it means :

made hard; hardened….

insensitive; indifferent; unsympathetic

I think of my husband. He works tree service, his hands a rough and on all parts that are padded are those hard callouses.

(source)

The only thing they are good for is grabbing other tough stuff or hot stuff like hot burritos off the grill….or even scratch my back with the palms of his hands.

BUT WHAT GOOD IS A

CALLOUSED HEART?

Matthew 13:15
For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.’

It says here that when our hearts are calloused then we cant really hear….

Ever been angry and for good reason and you don’t want to make up ? …resentment, bitterness breeds …that hardness in us makes it HARD to reconcile with.

It also says that you cant see….

Is that because you will see what you want to see?? … seeing offense, bad motives and an enemy??

When we choose instead to be soft and tender, choosing forgiveness and love, we may suffer and our soft hearts may bleed. (suffer for loves sake, choose unity instead of self, choose to give instead of withhold) and sometimes that is not easy.

But if  LOVE AS I HAVE LOVED YOU is the goal

 John 13:34-35 A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

Let us instead of becoming callous ….learn to bleed out our suffering ….and Breath in New Life just like Christ did.

~Friendships of Love

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