Posts tagged ‘relationship’

June 24, 2013

Where Are they?

Vulnerable …Open

Two words that are easy to overlook when writing….

what do I mean?? Well, I can write flowery words and allude to my meaning and never openly state a thing and never reveal the me under the words and just let vulnerability slip through the cracks.

That being said,  today I write plainly!

Friends can I just be honest and give view to the things I have been mulling over and concerned about? I thank you in advance. Its just not a pretty subject.

We have been going through WONDERSTRUCK in my home church. Margaret Feinberg has asked that we write a lament. I find I am more open if I am open in blog and real life. So here it goes…

Being a wife is one of the hardest things I have even done! To follow after Christ and read His word, to hear His words within and when you share with your spouse and he doesn’t agree or even try to see the truths and where you are coming from, and the church says to “defer” to your husband because He is suppose to be “the head of the wife”  is the most painstakingly annoying thing there is!

Eph 5:22  Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.

Don’t get me wrong I love my husband and I am committed to him and rely on him greatly in mind and heart and NO!! life is not terrible but these are things that plague me and I think the 20th century female mainstream Christian spouse experience. It is sad! Being married is NOT easy. It can be distracting to the mind since I am constantly trying to find a way to help him see what I am saying when we disagree. Can someone say PLEASE HEAR ME? Its a fight in my heart not to get so angry I want to punch him in the face. Annoying to the emotions in the times I feel like I am not being heard and I live on an emotional rollercoaster. Full of miscommunication and hurt feelings especially if we aren’t on the same page. Have you heard yourself say Do you care?  When you have two people with thinking minds and their perspectives on how to walk with God and they do not match, one pressing in and the other coasting through life so it seems. One an outdoors man awing at creation and the other a book worm and indoor comfort nut.  When life gets to    ust going through the motions it makes for a battle that keeps coming back because the issue never gets settled. Then when passions flare the expectations of “what is a godly wife?” is challenged and I fight in my mind the guilt battle between expressing myself or stuffing it and even that is a challenge when I get the impression that to express my thoughts is unwanted and I better watch those tones and facial expressions. Where is the …it is ok to be authentic and speak how you feel, we will figure it out together, I’m not offended by you, I love you, I hear you?

How long will I wait, GOD …how long?? Will I be able to endure, my soul is tired and my heart is faint.

I am sure I am not alone in asking the question “ What is with men being men of inaction and defense and/or out right denial?” It is as if they have decided that since you got the problem, you are the problem and that it is not their problem and so they check out, go silent and move on like nothing has happened.  And so like any married woman who chooses to let herself have a voice in the marriage…and as my bff would say we:

Inflict the comfortable and comfort the inflicted!”

 

Ever notice how when someone refuses to care about how they are treating you, if you inflict their comfort level they eventually want to hear you, deal with the matter and move forward productively. Why have I heard from many ladies about the laziness men have in their commitment to Christ but they are vigorous in the commitment to work as if the JOB is what gives them their identity?? When kids get out of line they are either passive or over zealous in their discipline. It is as if they are blind to the word Disciple in the word and forget to train up a child in the way he should go! I know it is not a new issue and it is still one.

Where is the Warrior flame in the hearts of men to right to CHRISTLIKENESS.

I had read a quote that spurred these thoughts from Ransomed Heart :

The problem with men, we are told, is that they don’t know how to keep their promises, be spiritual leaders, talk to their wives, or raise their children. But, if they will try real hard they can reach the lofty summit of becoming . . . a nice guy. That’s what we hold up as models of Christian maturity: Really Nice Guys. We don’t smoke, drink, or swear; that’s what makes us men…..Walk into most churches in America, have a look around, and ask yourself this question: What is a Christian man? Don’t listen to what is said, look at what you find there. There is no doubt about it. You’d have to admit a Christian man is . . . bored.

 

Women have you ever been ( as my bff said she hear it called )  put out on the front line! Have you asked your husband to take care of something. Sometimes asking him for years to care for you, care for your home  ( fix the broken sink, repair the leaking windows that now pour into the kitchen, guard your time together when there is little time to have, speak up and stand up for you when your children disrespect you, to love you, hear you, speak up for you, protect you from his family judgment or overstepping )   AND he does nothing …no movement ….stays busy with work or distractions, lets opportunity to speak slide by and leaves you out to dry or worse you yourself have to step up and do the man’s job. SO you take the initiative and call a plumber but then he is mad at you when you take steps to remedy the issue!! And what did I do I cancelled the service call! How long God? The sink has been waiting for repair for over 7 years.  How about when you speak up for your family and relationship do you feel like you are risking that so called perception – the perfect view of women “ meek and quiet!”  Its almost as if you have to apologize for having needs, desiring right relationships, respect, love and acceptance and wanting things fixed. When did meek and quiet become silent and stepped on or over and insignificant? Is it a crime to need your husband to love you like Christ loves the Church?

I know this is heavy but it is heavy on my heart and Yes!! we are to respect our husbands but I am pretty sure Christ respected us the best and he told us the truth didn’t leave us in our comfortable little lives, He brought truth and it rocked the world.

Respect does not equal “ MY WAY OR THE HIGH WAY!

Come on …can I get a witness?? …come on now?? Anyone dealing with this??? While this is not a daily -overwhelming- I- am -drowning- kind -of- thing, this is an important issue hitting us women hard, like years of never ending spin cycle hard. For those of you who have husbands who stand up for you, care for you, love you and hear you. Count your blessings, we are not all so blessed in this area of domestic life. It is hard to admit but we are the weaker vessels…but the more our men do not stand and love like Christ, the more the world and the enemy lies to us about how we have to toughen up, push for our rights, manipulate the situation, just go around the man!

God help us!! Who will pray with me, for those of us women who deal with this!! The enemy is heavy on relationships daily….let us women rise to the heavens in one voice and call on God the only one who can move men rightly and may we shake the heavens with our cries! Like every other generation we carry the burden of raising boys who are to grow and walk in Christ. Some where back there,  the hippy generation missed it!  And us women in our ages of 30’s and 40’s are now dealing with “the reaping” of what they had sown in the 1960’s and 70’s

My man is not alone in this for I know for years I had been ignoring my needs in an out of balance way, not speaking the truth instead stuffing it for fear of creating a conflict, and allowing unkind behavior toward me to go unchecked. It has created some bad marital habits that slap me in the face at times through the both of us.  I want to encourage myself and wives to love and live in honesty not in the doormat syndrome, but in the Jesus kind of open loving truthful style.  May we not worry obsessively about how we are perceived, rather let us stand for Godliness, truth, for love, for righteousness. Christ was active and passionate and He moved the world over! STAND! Have we stopped talking to our men about what we see in them, encouraging the good and admonishing them on the bad. We are “the helpers” God gave them to stand by them and encourage them to Godly living. Are we all asleep at the moral and spiritual wheels?? Have their heart become so stubborn that only whipping them like a donkey would move them from where there pride plants them.

Where are they???….spiritually….Where are we for that matter? Where am I?

Me, I think I just cracked my eyes to some new light! God, my God reveal yourself in this situation. Come and display Your glory and sovereignty over my life and home. I know with You all things are possible. So hard when the evidence in not starring me in the face in a tangible way I can grasp. Let me thank you for Your Goodness even when I feel like the tide will never change. God you are a mountain mover, let me watch and see that the Lord is good be my salvation come move this mountain!!

Starla

Come see what God revealed to me when I allowed myself to be this vulnerable, this real, this raw and open. A true Lament from my heart about ME and not what is going on around me or the world. http://starleeta.wordpress.com/2013/06/27/a-lamenting-reveal/

September 29, 2012

Drive-Thru Quote

https://friendshipsoflove.wordpress.com/

September 28, 2012

Friday Facts

unconventional list… :0)

 

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Arguing isn't communicating, it's noise. -Tony Gaskins

_____________________________________________________________Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life. Without it...it dies.

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PINTEREST TRY…..

 

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PINTEREST TRY….

 

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HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

July 24, 2012

PERSONALITY TYPES -Got Connections?

Our Pastor has had our Church Family at different times and for different reasons take the personality test called Disc personality profile …it has been an excellent tool in creating better relationships between people and even greater understanding of ourselves.

DISCpersonality

(Source)

EVERYONE needs encouragement. As I thought about this I decided that I agree! I don’t know of anyone who would not benefit from encouragement! I then thought about how each of the personality types could be encouraged. This is what I would like to share with you to give you the tools you need to encourage others!

For “D” types – let them know how great you think their ideas and actions are. Let them know you admire how much they have achieved through their hard work.

For “I” types – let them know you admire their ability to light up a room. Tell them how much you admire their ability to motivate and persuade others. (You can even throw in how much you love their car, clothes, etc.!)

For “S” types – let them know how much you appreciate their honesty and integrity. Let them know you admire their ability to always make time for others no matter how busy they are.

For “C” types – let them know how much you appreciate them taking the time to perform at a high level of quality. Tell them how much you admire their well thought out inputs and the extra time they take to make sure things are done just right!

Everyone can benefit from encouragement and I challenge you to be an encourager to at least one person each day. The biggest benefit is that you’ll be encouraged too just by encouraging others!
~Angel Tucker

October 14, 2011

Foundation Relationships

WITH GOD

(source)

This is the most important relationship that there is!

It is also the most easy to let slip.

I have been exploring what this relationship is suppose to look like. For years I understood that prayer, bible reading, study, and quietness all come into play with this relationship. But I began to noticed that this relationship was weaving through everything and not just those things I listed. I am a word person. I love to write and writing is a huge part for me to see how God speaks to me. I have been writing in a journal for years and began to see words repeat and started to notice when He was trying to tell me something. I called them theme words in my journals. These where often related to things I was struggling with or something I needed to watch for because they were things that would easily trip me. God was teaching me though my writing.

He created us unique and intelligent. He created us for communication, for intimacy, for companionship. So, you need to have some understanding about how you communicate to understand how he speaks to you. That is where relationship with yourself comes in….

WITH YOURSELF

(source)

Knowing what you like and dislike are important. Knowing what drains your energy and what invigorates you is also key to living well. Understanding how you communicate, how you interpret the world, what is important to you, what your strengths and talents are…and yes you must also know your weaknesses and your triggers for less than best behavior. When you have a grasp on these things through knowledge of yourself, you begin to see how God created you to hear Him. Suddenly ears and eyes are opening and God is speaking everywhere. Its an amazing journey. Taking personality tests are a fun way to find out some basics. Some of us can be so bogged down by the people and the world around us we don’t know what we want, like, feel or think. We are so double-mind sometimes…don’t fret. Begin to discover your TRUTHS. Take a soul oasis…relax with yourself and enjoy the view. Observe what you are like and how others react to you. Ask a trusted friend what they see in you.

See what’s there within…. unfold and unpack your selfness.

 

WITH OTHERS

(source)

And just like learning about who you are and how you communicate. It is equally important to learn about the people around you. It makes no sense to expect people to think and act and be just like you. It makes no sense to expect that they should conform to you. You must learn about others. Be proactive and become a knower of others. Communicate to them in the way in which they understand.

For example, have you ever had someone come to you to tell you about something and they start giving you every single detail and you feel like you are in a drum of a washer being emotionally spun out. That is because you could be a very direct person who does not need all the details, you get the situation loud and clear with the summed up version.

Or how about when someone comes up to you and they say something very directly with little detail and they walk away. Do you feel like you have just been daggered in the chest and you’re wondering if they are mad at you. That is because you could be someone who is tenderhearted, softer shelled and needs clear details to understand fully.

There is nothing wrong with either way.

Yet we often do not think about who the other person is that we are speaking to, we just know we have something to say and we say it.

When we do this we often leave a trail of miscommunications.

So do yourself a favor cultivate these three relationships….it will be worth it!!

~ Friendships of Love

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